The Greatest Guacamole Ever

This one really is the greatest guac ever. It is so blasted good. This guacamole is my favorite kind of food. You don't have to do too much to it. The fresh ingredients are good all on their own, but when they hook up, they have the hottest, sexiest one night stand EVER.


This probably isn't super traditional, but no ranch dressing mix or jarred salsa in this stuff. Just fresh, raw food. When I made this, Ethan and Jack were out of town. They made a little father-son trip to Southern California for some cousin time and golf. My most favorite memory of their trip? I get a phone call from my little boy at 10:00pm. I said, "What are you doing?". He said, "I'm eating prime rib for $4.99 and drinking 'woot' beer". Sure enough, the two travelers had pulled over in Mesquite, NV for some cheap, gross prime rib. I later asked Ethan how it was and he said, "It tasted like I shaped Van's poop into a prime rib and ate it. Actually, it tasted like the $5 I spent on it. It was like I was dipping a $5 bill in au jus". Lovely. Anyways, I made this while they were gone and I didn't have to share, which makes any food taste even better.

Before

In the recipe, I say to use two knives to cut up the avocados. What you want to do is put all the avocado halves into the bowl. Then take a small knife in each hand cut the avocados by passing the knives by each other in a crossing motion. Rotate the bowl and continue until the avocados are roughly chopped. The best part about a good guacamole is that you get the occasional chunk of avocado, so don't completely decimate the avocados. They still get smoother as you mix in all the other ingredients.

After

4 avocados
1 lime, halved
1 medium tomato, diced, but seeds and membranes removed and discarded
1 jalapeno, seeded and minced
1/2 cup diced onion (red, yellow or white- whatever you have on hand)
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
1 garlic clove, minced
1/4 tsp cumin
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp kosher salt

Halve the avocados. Remove the pit and using a spoon, scoop the flesh into a medium bowl. Squeeze the lime juice directly over the avocados. Using two small knives, roughly chop the avocados by passing the knives by each other in a crossing motion. Add the tomato, jalapeno, onion, cilantro, garlic, cumin, cayenne and salt. Using a rubber scraper, gently mix all ingredients until well combined. Taste and add more salt if desired. Serve immediately or cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate.

This recipe makes way more than what is shown in this picture.
This was just what was leftover after the wolves ate it.
Wolves being me and my mother.

When you cover the guac in plastic wrap, press the plastic right up against it. That way you eliminate the amount of oxygen under the plastic and your avocados stay greener longer.